I feel the need to reflect on yesterday's meet and my behavior for xc this year. so in order to fully do that, I will avoide a lot fo proper punctuation and spelling.
i dont know whats been happening for me mentally for xc but i feel i have not connected with many runners this year. that could be because i was so close to stacy and rhino the last two years i have neglected too many runners this year. i have tried to connect but i feel the connection is almost empty, like theres nothing there. maybe im being overly cautios to not get too close. i really miss stacy and rhino because we were close and gave each other advice and just talked. i dont have that this year... and i don't know if i will and that kind of bothers me. i find myself sometimes looking over my shoulder looking for that one runner i can go to to just talk... but theyre not there. no stacy, no rhino, no laf. maybe this is a good thing and a sign of my porfessionalism finally coming out but i don't like it. its like I think some of them are on the team because im there and thats it but then when i go to give them advice they run away. so why are you here? i think thats too apparent this year. they are here to be a part of an awesome team but not here for the right reasons. so how do i fix that. i dont have any way of knowing this to be the case, just speculation but its been in my head for some time now and i needed to get it out. i asked myself yesterday, what can i do to help take this team to the wooden deck? i dont have an answer and i again feel what the hell is my purpose on this team. im not a great runner, but i was on a great team in HS. maybe there's someone else out there that can my job better and i know there is. like city high for example, what the hell are they doing that makes them so good each year. they have good coaching, but so do we but it's probably team chemistry. we have a strong top 7, very strong, but it sucks that we have so much talent but some girls just dont feel they have a purpose. theyre running for the top 7 and that's it. if theycan't make it there, and i know they wont, why should they try. i need to get the JV aside and talk to them. i did that so well the last two years they actually did run for a purpose even if that top 7 wasn't in their sites. same thing for the f/s. we have some very very good sophmores, some that could get into the top 7, but there's other girls that have joined that are taking spots away. they need to know that the top 7 is not the only place for them. each of them has a place on this team and maybe jane and i are not doing a very good job of helping them realize that. i sometimes feel we get so busy paying attention to our ultimate goal we forget about the other 60 goals on this team (the other girls). we need to do a better job. i need to do a better job of helping them realize this.
here's what i just thought about- sit down with the team and tell them i have failed to reach each of them. i ................... i can't type this. it's in my head. but i can see their faces and their internal smiles to what i want to tell them about my rededication to the JV and helping the other 60 goals become a reality. that will help the team chemistry. that will have the walkers have a feeling of purpose. that jane and i don't hate, but that's not the word..don't neglect them because they had a bad day, that they felt like shit, that maybe they just did need to walk. crap, I've felt that way before, but it's also the reason i never reached my full potential.
ok, i need to be done now. i need to be alone with my thoughts. maybe it's siting in my basement watching football today or maybe its on the run I'll take later. because a lot of runners find their place when they run. i love my job. i love the girls i coach (not in that way you sick-o's thinking that way) and i'm dedicated to them achieving their potential. i tell it to my students but am i the same to my runners. hell yes i am.
here'a picture of a bunny with a pancake on its head:
-Hoff
You're pretty much an amazing coach. The end.
ReplyDelete